What I'd like to see less of in 2015, part 1

We are only a few days into a new year and I cannot help but sit and think of what annoyed me last year and hope that somehow I see less of those things this year.

Hey, a girl can hope, right?

Here are the things I wish we'd see less of this year, in not particular order:

1) Selfies- Even the word 'selfie' makes me stabby. First off... when did humans decide that everyone on their friend list, every follower, family, in-real-life friends, etc wanted to see nothing but their face? Have you looked around outside lately? The world around us may have problems but it's still pretty beautiful.

We just got through the busiest 'family time' of the year. All over the country, families and friends were gathering to celebrate the holidays and eat... a lot. Yet I swear I saw more 'selfies' than family photos. At times, I wondered if some people threw a celebration for themselves and their smartphone. Really.... never saw a single family member's face... just feet or an elbow in the background.

This is so, so sad. What makes it worse is that most people take 10 or more pics at a time to get that ONE pic to post that makes them look a little bit more attractive. I know people that take nothing but 'selfies' and it's funny to see them in person.... they look nothing like their bazillion photos on Instagram. It's all a sham.
And honestly, if I go to an Instagram account and see mostly selfies, that's a 'do not follow this person'. I want to see the world through the eyes of others... not constantly see the eyes of others.

I'm not holding onto much hope that this trend will finally falter, not with crap like this hitting the shelves at your local beauty supply store:

2) Activia commercials: You know, I don't care about your irregularity. I don't care about what happens to your tummy or bowels once you eat a fattening meal. From what I've heard from people that have tried it, it only works for certain people with certain issues.. On the plus side, at least Jamie Lee Curtis isn't in the commercials anymore. I couldn't stand her smarmy attitude anymore.

3) Wendy's commercials: Is it me or is that red-headed chick pretty fraking smarmy, too? How does this girl have ANY friends? She constantly makes her friends feel stupid and seems to revel in the fact that she has a better lunch. Then again, maybe she has a problem KEEPING friends. Each commercial features her... with a different group. Yeah, I'd kick her to the curb, too.
And don't even get me started on the SINGING commercials; terrible singing and awful lyrics. Yuk.
Maybe I'm biased anyway... not a fan of their food. I will take a Frosty, though.

4) Jeggings: Dear God, make it stop. Have you seen the newest ones? Genie Slim Jeggings? Who they heck are they people fooling? "Get great fashion and style at a fraction of the cost of designer skinny jeans" Great fashion? According to.... the millions of women in the country that REFUSE to buy something this awful? I understand that designer jeans aren't cheap but come on... sometimes you get what you pay for. And the last I checked, designer jeans don't look like their trying to make their way up to your neck to wring it. No one will be fooled by these.

Yup, this is just part 1. Depending on my mood in the next few days, there could be many other parts to this post. For now... I have only one planned.

Until then.... take pictures of the world, not yourself.

Facebook is making me question my friendships

This could turn into a series considering how much FB irritates me.

Do you have FB friends that are always upset?
I do. Lots of them.
Or maybe it's just the same 2 people over and over again.
Honestly, it's getting hard to tell due to the fact that the moment those posts appear in my sight, my eyes start to glaze over.

Every single day, it's something. Sickness, anxiety, dealing with rude people, dealing with kids who act like assholes, dealing with uncaring family, dealing with husbands who suck, dealing with shitty jobs, etc.
It's endless and depressing as hell.
And when those status updates turn into FULL PARAGRAPHS, you have issues.
I swear, I can go look at my feed, in a great mood, and by the time I log out I am either furious or depressed.

Sure, life can suck on certain days. People suck most days. But do you have to use FB like a diary?

I rarely post anything these days and when I do, I try to keep it light and fun. Random quirky things are funny to some people and probably not going to make all of your friends suicidal/homicidal.
I prefer to post weird pics of my youngest daughter acting like a moron and laughing hysterically.
Or a new Kid Quote-
At dinner, Peanut was making faces.
Me: "You're insane."
Peanut: "Insane in the membrane, insane in the brain!"

Target- When Photoshop attacks

If you were on the interwebs at all this week, you must have seen at least one article about the horrific Photoshop job on Target's website. I myself found it through a friend on FB and was horrified.

It's no secret that magazines edit the hell out of models and celebrities.
This GIF of Jennifer Lawrence (everyone's favorite down-to-earth celebrity) made me angry and totally confused:

 

Seriously? THEY MOVED HER COLLAR BONE.

Most celebrities are pretty enough and THIN enough already but then the magazine people are certain that they need to make them look even thinner? STOP IT.

But at least the photo above was done well, I guess. Not like what Target did to a young model:

Um, there are sharp dagger type things coming out of her body, under her arm and around her hip on the right side of the photo. That looks pretty dangerous if she has an underarm itch.

AND WHERE IS THE REST OF HER VAGINA?

Jesus. I know some people are always trying to attain that weird gap between their thighs but this is ridiculous. That looks like it hurt.

They did the same here. Her vagina seems to be missing a large piece, making it hard for her to ever procreate. And what's with her left hand/thigh area?

This is the sloppiest job of photo enhancing that I have personally ever seen. It's downright freaky.

Sadly, when I found the link I saw the comments between the friend that posted it and a friend of hers. And the comments by the friend made me sad.

MY friend was right in saying that crap like this (photoshopping) is a large part of why young girls (and guys) have such a skewed image of what a body should look like.
HER friend was saying that if anyone doesn't know that they photo enhance people on magazines and in ads then they are just plain ass dumb.

Um, how many teenage girls click on a link that SHOWS them that being 'perfect' is not possible? They don't want to spend time hearing or reading that being perfect isn't possible. They are being pressured through every form of media to look like Jennifer up in the first photo.

The above bathing suits were in the JUNIORS section, not the adults.
Teenage girls, to a point, have been told that photo enhancing happens but that hasn't stopped the eating disorder rate from skyrocketing the more photos are getting enhanced.

Most people 'know' that it's a trick but that's not what crosses your mind when you see billboards featuring tiny, beautiful women wearing clothing that you love. You end up thinking to yourself how much you wish you could be thinner or look good in those clothes.

But thanks to Target, I will never crave a body that would fit into a bathing suit in that way.
I like my lady parts intact, thanks.

Thursday Thoughts

Sometimes, random thoughts pop into my head. Most of the time, I keep these to myself since the thoughts are usually fleeting.

But don't you feel special that I am sharing them with you now?
Come on, admit it. You want to wear a sash and tiara now, don't you?

1) Viral videos: I watch Ridiculousness all the time and I always wonder, who put the video online? Some of the idiots in the videos get really hurt or do dumb shit. Are they also dumb enough to put the video out there for public ridicule? Did a family member or friend find the video and post it out of spite or retribution? "Smack me in the nuts, huh? Let me post this video of you kissing your mirror, hard. Paybacks are a bitch, dude."

2) Bieber: ....when was the last time someone told that little brat "no, don't do that"? I mean, other than someone affiliated with the law. Or his neighbors.
Does ANYONE in his entourage ever try to steer this kid on the right path? Or are all of them benefiting too much from his millions?

3) I want a treehouse. I have wanted a treehouse since I was a kid and now watching Treehouse Masters, I am completely in love with the idea of having a treehouse as a retreat. Screw the kids... I would be living in that thing. If you have a large enough tree (and equally large bank account), you can have a treehouse with a kitchen and a bathroom. A bathroom!
Visit Pete's site to see the portfolio. Holy cow. Go look!

Look at this one!

Image Credit: DCL

4) Pinterest: I love it. I could spend hours on it. But I cannot handle when someone makes a new board and does nothing but pin to it and it alone for the next 2 hours. I have to scroll for what seems like an hour to get down to pins NOT pinned to that ONE board. And since I am already married, I doubt I have a need to see 400 pins about wedding day hair. Or how to announce an impending birth.

An open letter to the jackholes on the road:

Dear asshat in the snow covered car in front of me after the last snowfall,

You clearly took a few seconds this morning to clean off your front and back windows so that you could see while driving. Kudos to you for attempting to drive safely after Mother Nature dumped on you the night before.

While you were using that scraper to clear the windows, did it occur to you to be thorough and clean off the top of the car as well? I'm guessing not, judging from the 10 inch dome of white shit on top of your car. Maybe it was just time to jump in the car and start texting while driving, while you weaved in and out of lanes on the way to work. You're a busy person on a mission. I get it.

You know, I'm all for surprises...especially ones that make me giggle.

But having a good 5 inch brick of snow and possible ice RIP its way off of your car and hit my windshield at full force going 60 down an interstate is NOT the surprise that I had in mind that day. It's even less of a wanted surprise if it startles me enough to pee or shit on myself... or god forbid jerk the wheel and put my family (and others) in danger due to the fact that your lazy ass couldn't follow through with your snow removal.

I guess you're just in so much of a hurry that you can't be bothered with doing a better job, huh? Letting the wind clear off your vehicle is more convenient for you, right? How about if I drive in front of you down the interstate for a distance while letting my kids throw things out the window with the same density as your snow missiles? Would you like that? I doubt it.

Take 5 extra minutes in the morning and clear off the top of your car. It'll give you something to do while you car tries to warm itself in the frigid temperatures.
And put down the damn phone and pay attention to the road.

Sincerely,
The lady that almost peed her pants the last time

Hey there A-Lister...thanks for sharing

Isn't it weird that the minute a celebrity starts making a lot of money, they don't seem to need that much money?

It's a given that if you are a celebrity on the rise, or already in the stars, you'll get free gifts.
Why?
It's not because the people at that company give a crap about you.
It's so that when you are photographed later carrying that purse or wearing those shoes, that company will most likely see a spike in sales.

It's a daily occurrence in Hollywood. And I don't really have a terrible problem with it.
(Although it would be nice if companies would give me free stuff.)
I think I recall Snoop saying once that when he went to New York, he never took luggage. He knew that stores would start sending him stuff before he even got off the plane.

What I have a problem with is that some of the celebrities will take tons of pics of said freebies and post them on Twitter and Instagram, all the while basically boasting that they get free crap.

Um, as an average American, I don't like to see you flaunt your thousands of dollars in merchandise in my face every two seconds while I try my ass off to get people to buy my jewelry... in a recession. It's great that you have 6 closets full of crap you'll wear once or a converted garage to hold your wardrobe.
But it would be even better if you'd stop bragging about it, not matter what Burlington says.

What I want to see is a Tweet from a star saying:
"Chanel just sent me 2 new bags and a pair of shoes! Since I can afford to buy those things myself but was sent these gifts before having my personal assistant schlep down to buy them, I'm going to take the money that it takes to purchase these items and donate it to a local school district in need."

That would be fantastic.
They would feel a little better about themselves (hopefully) and they'd be a great influence on their younger, more impressionable fans... don't you think?

Cause really.... what are they saving all that money for?
Last I heard, you can't take it with you.
And I doubt God cares what shoes you wear.

Black Friday is almost here...

.... and I won't be anywhere near a mall.

I have absolutely no urges to line up hours before a store opens or wake up at some ungodly hour to score a television set or a blender. I don't need these things. And if I did, I'd catch them on sale on a day where people aren't beating each other to death for the last one.

It's always struck me as strange that a day after everyone is gathered around a table claiming that they are thankful for what they have, the next morning they are in the stores buying more stuff.
And let's be honest... a lot of people shop for themselves, not their loved ones or friends.

I went out on Black Friday ONE TIME and that was enough for me. And even then, I didn't actually get to the mall until almost 8 am.
Why did I go?
I was promised breakfast at Shoney's by my then-boyfriend's mom if I went with her.
And I'm not about to pass up a buffet full of crispy bacon. (Plus, I loved that woman.)
I just wasn't impressed with most of the deals and people were rude as hell. Not to mention, the employees definitely were not in the Christmas spirit.

As a rule, I don't go to the mall unless I have to go to the mall. I'd rather go to Old Navy, which is normally on the perimeter of the mall or in a strip mall.
OR I hit up Zappos or Amazon. Between those two online stores, you really don't need to leave the house.

Normally by now, I have all the presents for my kids under the tree. Yup, all of them. Wrapped. But now that we homeschool the kids, it's a tad harder to go shopping for them since they are with us while shopping.
Fear not, I will get them... and go nowhere near the mall or anything related to a Black Friday sale.


How about you? Do you partake in the craziness of Black Friday?

There's tights... and then there's leggings.

Genie, the people that brought you the Genie Bra, want to give you Slim and Tone Leggings.

Can I just say.... no.
From the commercial, that's some shiny ass material and they look like tights.
You don't wear tights with just a shirt or sweater. You wear skirts. Or pants. ANYTHING.

Leggings are thicker and still make me uncomfortable.
Not since the 80's when we wore shirt clips have I worn leggings in public with a shirt or sweater only. And I refuse to go back to the fashion of that decade. Music and movies, yes. Fashion? Hell no.

The Slim and Tone Leggings use "comfortable compression". You know, compression usually ends up anything BUT comfortable. You might as well wear Spanx and wait for your spleen to pop out of your nose.

I can't. I just can't. The commercial made me want to laugh, vomit, and scratch my head at the same time. Sadly, it wasn't as bad as my first reaction to Pajama Jeans.

Go to their website, scroll down, and watch the commercial.

You tell me.... are those leggings or tights?

You Can't Bury Strangers in Corn Pits

Yesterday, I wrote about the fun times had by my family at the Twin Cities Harvest Festival and Maze.

Overall, we had a great time.
But there were moments that I wanted to throw something at people.
(I'd have thrown corn but that would have made me just as bad as others at the festival.)
And there were moments that made me realize why I only like my own kids and hate other peoples kids. But I'll get to that in a minute.

Upon entering the grounds, we had to wait in line to get in.
Not a problem.. I can wait. And it gave the kids a chance to see just how tall the corn stalks were compared to them. (They had only ever really seen stalks on the interstate in Illinois and Iowa.)

There was a sign that read (CLEARLY):
Credit card payments in the left line
Cash payments in the right line

So, we lined up left since we never seem to have cash on hand.
And of course, there were people who got up to the front and totally screwed it up.
Some of them even bitched out loud that there should have been a sign.
?!?!?!?!?!?

Another sign that was CLEARLY visible was the one saying:
DO NOT TOUCH THE CORN

Now, I imagine that if you lightly touched the stalk, they probably wouldn't care. It's likely that the sign was there to keep people from flat out destroying the corn stalks.
Judging from the amount of corn kernels on the ground, people simply cannot read.

An ADULT in front of us SHOWED his kid how to open up the husk and get the kernels out.
That's lovely. Teach them early how to NOT follow rules.
And he wasn't the only one.

But the one that got me the most?
The little boy behind us that not only kept touching the stalk while his dad watched, but actually RIPPED the corn cob off the stalk and proceeded to peel that thing like a banana.
And like I said, his dad watched the entire time.
Only when the kid chucked the corn behind him into the corn field did his dad say a word. And even then, he just told him that he could have hit someone if they were hanging out in the corn field.
Yeah, that's awesome. You're not okay with the kid hurting anyone but it's just fine if he breaks every other rule and destroys property.
Awesome. Maybe that kid will end up at a party with 300 other kids one day destroying an ex-NFL players home.

The next thing that chapped my arse was the spot where everyone was peeling the sticky tab off of their entrance bracelets. The kids weren't putting them on their own wrists.
And there was a huge trash can right there for you to toss the trash.
But the adults couldn't seem to find the giant, blue trash can and dispose of their trash.
Why do that when the ground looks so wonderful covered with them?


Once we finally got into the festival, that's when I kept thanking my lucky stars that my children behave in public.
And no, I'm not talking about tantrums. I have dealt with that before and I know first hand that when a child is that emotional and already raging... they will not listen to reason.
I don't actually recall hearing too many of those, except from the tiny babies that were hungry or cold.

I'm talking about the kids that were running around like crazy, knocking things over and almost knocking people over. The kids that were being rude and inconsiderate while their parents stood there and said nothing.

While waiting at the face painting tent for our turn, there was a family ahead of us.
They had 3 kids, all girls. The youngest looked to be about 3, the middle kid was around 8 or 9, and the oldest was probably about 13.
When the youngest was done and painted up, she ran away for a minute or two. Her father (?) barely noticed. Luckily, she came back to them.
But then she grabbed the mirror hanging on the tent and almost ripped it down. It was the oldest sister that finally got her to let go and told her not to do it.

Once the all 3 girls were done, the oldest and middle were both looking in the mirror. Apparently, the middle one, we will call her Diva, didn't like sharing and SHOVED her sister away... right towards my youngest child. Luckily, the kid was able to right herself a split second before she knocked my kid on her ass.

I had to endure those kids, and their crappy behavior, for a total of about 10 minutes. It was the longest 10 minutes of my life.

Then there were the kids in the corn pit.
It was a giant pit of kernels held in place by a barrier of hay bales.
My kids took off their shoes and got in and started to play.
I stayed on the outside of the pit to take pics.

While standing there, a few kids came running along the top of the bales, knocking into people left and right. And I can honestly say, I don't know where their parents were at the time.
One of them actually clipped me in the shoulder.
Did she say sorry? Of course not. Apparently, she was never taught to do such a crazy thing.


Honestly, my anger is geared more towards the parents than the kids.
Children will actually behave if they are taught the difference between right and wrong.
Deep down, when I see rude little snots, I know that it's probably not their fault.
(Okay, yeah.... some kids are just wild and no one can get them to behave.)

It's the parents that stand by and watch their children being snots that bother me.
Why don't they say something?
Why don't they pull Junior aside and let him know that if the behavior continues, they will be going home where he can sit in time out?

Now, I've said before that my kids aren't perfect.
But I can honestly say that they have never done the things mentioned above.
And only once can I remember one of them plowing into someone.

One time at Target, Button was in the little kids section with us while we were trying a coat on Peanut. Button took off at a sprint through the racks and almost knocked a woman down.
She's never done it again.
Not after the look from me, the talk from my husband and me, and the fact that we made it clear that we would not tolerate rudeness.

People usually aren't born mean. They aren't born racist, rude, inconsiderate, or spoiled.
It's what they learn (or don't learn) from their parents that make them act terribly throughout their childhoods and into adulthood.

I thank my lucky stars everyday that my mother never permitted that sort of behavior and taught me to be considerate and helpful.
And I'll continue to teach my kids to be the same way.



It always comes back on the parents.
Kids don't get the side-eye... the parents do.

Things I Can Do Without

Shout, shout, let it all out
These are the things I can do without
Come on
I'm talking to you
Come on

I am making this an ongoing series of posts, changing it over from Things I Don't Get. The decision is possibly driven by my love of Tears for Fears. Possibly.
The first 3 posts can be found here, here, and here.

Let's do this.

ABC announced that they are canceling the crime drama Body of Proof. This is after a cast shake-up happened after last season. And it's after ABC giving the show a half season each of the 3 years that it's been on television.

Now, after the cast change, I thought I might not like it.
But I love it more. The changes they made were good and the writing is great.
I do hate that it doesn't air until February each season and it ends in May with all of my other shows.
But what can you do?

The show is the 3rd highest watched show on the network, behind Castle and Grey's Anatomy.
And their ratings have IMPROVED this season since the changes were made.
So, 3rd place isn't good enough anymore?
Hell, 3rd place gets a medal at the Olympics.
And hasn't ABC spent some time as the 3rd most watched Network in the past?
And 11 millions viewers is nothing to sneeze at, ya know. That's 2 million or so more than what Duck Dynasty is breaking records with!
Firefly would have had a full season 10 years ago on FOX is they'd had 11 million viewers.
Meanwhile, ABC Family is THRILLED when their highest rated show gets 3 millions viewers.

I don't get it and I don't like it. These Networks are all nuts. It's like they still think we are back in the 80's with 5 channels and most people are home each night.

With over 200 channels available to us these days, online streaming, DVD's, DVR's, and the rare obscure VHS taping a show here and there, we don't all watch TV at the same time, the same way.

We don't watch our shows until AFTER the kids are in bed and I know we aren't alone.

3rd highest ratings on the network and they cancel it.
Come on, ABC.
I'm talking to you.
Come ON.

Hopefully, we fans of the show might not feel the need to bombard ABC with emails and hate mail. It seems that ABC Studios is shopping the show around trying to find it a home on cable. (TNT and USA would be a great place to start!) If it gets a new home, the new channel should be happy with potentially over 10 million new viewers a week. And they are trying to do it fast so that the writers don't have to leave and seek work elsewhere.



Also? I could do without waiters in restaurants disappearing for looong lengths of time lately. By the time they usually get back from Narnia, I am so irritated and usually so thirsty that their tip starts shrinking like a guy's family jewels submerged in ice cold pool water.

If I see them at the other tables, I'm fine. I get that they're busy.
But when not one of the tables in their section has seen them for over 15 minutes, that's totally uncalled for and makes me want to go get my own food or drink. If you have to disappear for a while, have someone cover your tables!
Come on, waiters.
I'm talking to you.
Come ON.